Okay, so this one time I was drunk at a friend's dorm. I decided that the best course of action during this situation was to horizonally position myself on the domicile's carpet. Therefore, the alcohol in my system immedailately concluded that said carpet was fit for consumption. Upon attempting to consume the carpet, my hunger was immeadiately assaikled by the roomies who said "No Fuzz, do not eat the carpet."
My brain, in all of it's genius, shifted it's consumption capabilties towards consuming the garbage in the nearby garbage can. Further attempts at consumption were met with a similar fate to the carpet. Therefore, my conslidated results for the night were consumption of approximately 0 units of both carpet and garbage.
I later went on to consume an entire bag of cheddar potato chips in the span of five minutes. I also decided to consume approximately 8 shots of 101 proof peppermint schnapps and 3 beers. This resulted in am amazing night and an equally amazing morning of puking a color that I did not think the human body was capable of excreting.
The moral of the story is that I am a drunk bastard and screwdrivers are amazing and I posted this damn article for mole. So there. Choke on it. It's done. HA. Ha. haaaaaaaa
